Honky Tonkitis

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Honky Tonkitis announced today that the date has been set for the Ultimate Fight Competition between HT fiddle player, Tom Hansen, and international singing sensation, Barry Manilow.

"We've really regretted this long-time conflict between Tom and Barry," singer Johnny Maplewood announced, "But all attempts to bring these two together and settle this peacefully have failed. They both agreed that this could be resolved in a way that would show off all of their physical talents while effectively 'burying the hatchet,' so to speak. We think it's best they do this in a controlled mixed martial arts setting with a sanctioned referee and medical staff standing by."

Hansen commented, "Barry! Your time is coming, Barry! You know why he writes the songs? Because it helps him take his mind off me busting his f***ing head in! You know why he can't smile without you, baby? Because I'm gonna punch out ALL his f***ing teeth!

In concert Tuesday, Manilow addressed the upcoming fight by telling his audience of thirty thousand, "Talk all you want, Hansen. You can't hide behind that trash talk once I get you in the ring! I'm coming for you! YOU!" He then proceeded to perform his hit song, "Mandy."

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Manilow-Hansen: The fight of the century?