Honky Tonkitis

Here's where you talk to the band


On Wednesday of this week, local fiddle player Tom Hansen of the group Honky Tonkitis, declared his status in the band as "token white" member."

"That's just like that cracker," accordionist Don Turner remarked, "always lording it over us. 'Don, do this, Don, do that, Don, go get me a beer.' Well, I've had it!"

New guitarist Bruce Dean had this to say: "I've been with these guys like five minutes and we already got one guy who's too big for his britches...and it's not me! That's MY job!"

Singer Johnny Maplewood tried to tamp down the strong mood of the band by explaining, "Look, in every honky tonk band it's good to have at least one token white member. It keeps people from getting a little nervous in the bars and juke joints, and it helps keep the pressure off the stores that sell our records. Granted, all of the guys in this band are white, but it still helps to have a token white, even if that token white guy happens to be the biggest jerk in this band."

"I say we slap that honky back in his place," drummer Kurt Weber interrupted, "You want to go get all uppity on us? We'll show him where he needs to be. I'll play drums on that white ass till it turns red!"

"It's always like this for the token white member of a band," Hansen concluded. "I just want to be treated like any other member, granted, the token white member, but the man just has to keep putting me down."


Tom Hansen: Too fly for a white guy?