Honky Tonkitis

Here's where you talk to the band


For one day only, this Black Friday, Tom Hansen is available for a shocking 58% off.

"This is a special like you never thought you'd see," Hansen was quoted as saying, "For one day only, I will rock your world for a shocking 58% off."

Although other members of the band, Honky Tonkitis, were available for a significant mark-down for the one day only post-Thanksgiving sale, shock and resentment ran through the group after Hansen made the announcement.

Honky Tonkitis' accordion player, Don Turner, who was marked down 25% for the Black Friday special, was heard to murmer, "I always knew Tom was cheap, but I never thought he'd stoop so low. That slut."

Despite the resentment among members of the group, sales experts predicted long lines that grew early as the special shopping date loomed. General concensus among shoppers already waiting was that the added markdown on Hansen would sway the outcome of their purchases. Local shopper Lynn Simmers commented, "originally I was going to make my way immediately over to the Conrad aisle, but hey, 58% off Tom? How can I pass up a deal like that?"

"Tom may talk all high and mighty about his 'special deals' and 'looking out for the value-added shopper'", lead singer Johnny Maplewood remarked, "but that boy is nothing but cheap goods. I wouldn't touch that skank with a ten foot pole. Not for 58%, not for 98%." 

Prices good for Friday only.


Tom Hansen: Too cheap?