Honky Tonkitis

Here's where you talk to the band


Local band Honky Tonkitis was on hand to accept an award for their new album, Alcohol and Heartbreak. The board of the Aolian Music Association has awarded the album the prestigious, “best record of all time.”

“Wow, this is just an incredible moment,” singer Johnny Maplewood commented in a speech after receiving the award. “I mean, to beat out seminal albums by Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Willie Nelson…I’m just speechless. I mean, I like our new album a lot, but I never thought it would receive this kind of acclaim.”

“We’d really like to thank this prestigious board for presenting us with this award. It really is an honor to be acknowledged by this level of music industry talent,” guitarist Chris Conrad added.

However, ongoing plans for celebration were dashed when it was pointed out that the Aolian Music Association board was comprised entirely of fill-in NFL referees from the Packers-Seahawks game that took place Monday night.

“What!”  Maplewood exclaimed, “But that means that this trophy means absolutely nothing! And here I bought three extra permanent markers for signing autographs!”


“I stand by the board’s decision,” Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL stated later Tuesday. “I’ve never heard of this Honky Tonk-whatsis band, and they’re probably crap, but if my fill-in referees said their album is the best thing ever, well, whatever. These refs were the best I could find for what I was paying them.”

“How do I feel? Disappointed,” Maplewood commented later Tuesday. “I was so proud. I even told everybody at work about the award. And now this? They’re all going to laugh at me! I mean, who would want to take credit for such a hollow, meaningless victory?”

Later in the day the band announced plans to move to Seattle.