Honky Tonkitis

Here's where you talk to the band


Local accordion player, Don Turner, of the band Honky Tonkitis is being blamed for the break-up of one of the most famous groups of the 21st century.

The famous "alternative" artistic collaboration of Yoko Ono and May Pang, has announced that they have dissolved the group after many controversial and fractious exchanges have made their way into the media. Fans across the world were distraught after the announcement was made that the group was no more. Many of these fans have become angry, looking for an outlet to blame.

"To put it simply, blame Don Turner," Pang responded.

"Ever since Yoko started dating Don, everything we had as a group has become tainted. It's no longer the famous collaboration between Yoko and myself. Everything became, 'Don, what do you think of this and Don, what do you think of that.' Being in the room with the two of them together became stifling."

Ono argues differently.

"Don opened me up to myself. More importantly, he opened me up to the world of honky tonk music. For a long time now, May and I have had a successful abstract art career that's made us famous and rich. Don came along and showed me what a beautiful thing that honky tonk music and the accordion are and how they can destroy all of that money and success."

Since the dating of Turner began, the Ono/Pang artistic relationship has hit rocky times as many of their releases move in a honky tonk direction.

"What originally was planned to be a seminal moment in our career when we would scream inside bags from the stage of Carnegie Hall, dissolved into meaningless chaos when Yoko demanded at the last minute that Don's band, Honky Tonkitis, join us on stage to perform. After that, our fans begin leaving us in droves."

"Yeah, that was a cool gig," singer Johnny Maplewood reminisces. "Don totally scored by getting us that show."

As the relationship between Ono and Turner has blossomed, much of the artistic output between Ono and Pang has suffered, especially after Ono and Turner announced the creation of their new project, the Plastic Honky Turner Band.

"May has to understand that I've moved on," Ono explained. "We're not always going to be that cute group that shook our hair and went, 'woo,' and got all of those millions of fans to scream and buy our art. I want more from my life. Don and I want to stay home and brew beer and make honky tonk music."

In that regard, Ono and Turner are rush-releasing their new record to stores.

"I've heard it, and honestly, it's about as appealing as green hair on a sandwich. In fact, that's the title of the record. The cover shows Yoko and Don nakedly holding the sandwich. Thankfully, it's sold in a brown paper lunch bag."

When Turner was asked about the artistic wedge he has thrown between the two famous artists, he had this to say:

"Hey ladies, no need to fight. There's more than enough Don to go around."

May PangYoko Ono


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